Product Idea |

The Pirate Dentist


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I just recently got my wisdom teeth removed, so you can probably guess why I made this. I made it on a whim (mostly from pain) after looking at my pirates figures and imagining the hook-handed one picking the teeth of the imperial captain's open mouth.

This is the pirate dentist, who, out of the goodness of his heart (hmm... ), takes in suffering patients and helps them to suffer more--wait, no, I mean helps them clean and repair their teeth. First, he puts a bit of brandy on their mouth to ease the pain, then, with his trusty operation-lantern shining overhead, he inspects their mouth with his various instruments (spyglass and sextant, the accuracy of which is never to be questioned). He then cleans their teeth with his hand-hook and cutlass tools (very carefully, of course). If they need a tooth pulled, he reveals his mechanical, tooth-removing claw-hand attachment, and forcefully wrenches the tooth from their jaws as delicately as he can. If they need a cavity taken care of, he pulls out his flintlock, gunpowder-driven drill, and eliminates the cavity. If they need a replacement tooth, he can find them the perfect one (in good used condition, obviously). Finally, he screws what remains of their mouth back together, and the operation is complete. The patients can then depart in peace, relieved and grateful that such a skillfully-performed operation is over. (What's that, officer? I'm sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying. You must be telling me telling me how amazing your pirate dentist is, and how you would love it if everyone in the world had such great dentist of their own. Ok, ok, I know how wonderful he is, but now go pose for one last picture. No, not in a barrel. You'd think you were afraid of your dentist or something. Oh, whatever.)


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